What's your take on Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? How has it affected you?
07.06.2025 09:00
Second, there’s a scene where they’re in Joel’s childhood home and she looks around and proclaims, “God, I love this kitchen!” She says it very much like how some rich, high-powered socialite would say it, oozing with vapidness. In the same scene, she tells Joel’s mother that she would “die for a drink right now.” Again only rich, high-powered socialites talk like this!! Seriously. The average American is nothing like this and doesn’t speak like everything is just so fabulous and they’re about as deep as a puddle. And people with Clementine’s personality especially aren’t like this. Our personality/temperament is deep and authentic. This couldn’t be more wrong for an American character, or for Clementine’s personality. Again, I’m aware now that this is a common myth that British people believe about us, so I know that’s exactly why she did it. I know the writer wouldn’t have put that in there, that’s for sure!
So of course, whenever my natural traits have come out, I’ve been corrected, berated, disapproved of, and made to feel inappropriate and socially out of step. Or overly masculine. Or people react like I’m some sort of immature, irresponsible, flaky mess not to be taken seriously, and not deserving of respect. This has caused a great deal of pain and a terrible fear of rejection. It’s also made me feel there’s something wrong with me and I’m bad. Especially because one of my parents kept assigning “sins” to the behavior, such as it’s egotistical to be charismatic or funny because it’s attention-seeking and puffs oneself up. Or it’s selfish because it takes attention away from others. I didn’t want to be immoral…. so I whittled away at myself to be good.
I know there is a perception in other cultures of Americans being very loud, brash, crass, and confident, and the women are like this too. This is a false perception! There are all kinds of people here. Of course, some girls in America still have these traits. I’ve met a few girls throughout my life who are very loud, brash, and boisterous. (There’s a decent number of them but they are not the majority.) But they tend to be naturally extroverted, and one needs to understand that they are also going out of their way to be extra crass as a form of rebellion towards the ridiculous societal expectation that women must be docile, appropriate, and “sugar, spice, and everything nice.” Many other cultures think they know all about Americans and their culture. However, they don’t have the slightest understanding of all the intricacies and complexities that all cultures have, including ours.
Or, the expressiveness makes people think I’m some sort of “crazy lady” who’s overly dramatic, out of control, and insane. When I watched interviews of the cast discussing the movie and characters, more than one described Clementine as “crazy”, “insane”, or “out of her mind”… and it just reinforced all the feelings I struggle with as to why I never feel I can be myself…. it makes me feel embarrassed, stupid, and annoying…. or a trouble-making, attention-seeking drama queen. Or that any expression of feelings is silly and fanciful. I’ve always felt I have to act extra serious, deep, and intelligent to be taken the least bit seriously and try to gain respect. It doesn’t help much. Those things always seem to be out of reach anyway, at least with most people. I’m realizing now that I should just be myself, and who I am is attractive and respectable to the right people. People will judge either way, so I shouldn’t let them cage me.
Overall her acting was excellent as she’s incredibly talented. There are many times I love what she did with the character. But she doesn’t understand Clementine… remotely. It’s so frustrating that she paints Clementine as the epitome of the myth that American women are overly masculine, bitchy, and impossible to have a relationship with. Joel caused the relationship to fall apart and his friend was the root problem! People with these attitudes can just fuck off. Seriously.
Unfortunately, sexism isn’t the only issue here. There is a glaring elephant in the room. What Clementine is referring to are two complex issues that are intertwined with one another - sexism and mockery of the artist’s temperament. Those of us who have this personality are also being reduced to a concept - a very mocking, insulting one full of myths. The male protagonist is mocked as well. These writers are hardly sensitive, artistic men. Very, very much the opposite. And they certainly aren’t trying to teach these kinds of men to embrace life and its adventures. To grasp what this trope is exactly, I watched a couple of these films - Garden State and 500 Days of Summer. Wow. That was all I could stomach.
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Apparently, there’s a big list of “Manic Pixie Dream Girl” movies out there and they date back to old black and white films. They all follow the same basic formula of a male protagonist who’s sad and depressed. He’s artistic and sensitive and doesn’t know what to do with his life. Then along comes a quirky, fun, eccentric girl with a big presence and tons of charm and charisma that pulls him out of his slump. She does nothing more than serve the purpose of helping the guy to grow and learn lessons. She’s a very one-dimensional character and doesn’t get much in return for the relationship. She’s always chipper and always there to be goofy and cheer him up. To help him become adventurous. She isn’t a complex human with an array of emotions or problems of her own. She’s just a concept.
Oddly, there are a few times when Clementine’s inflections and choice of wording are very similar to mine - particularly when I was either a child or a young adult and was around those people who brought out my personality. This is what triggered sudden memories and helped me realize what I had lost. Otherwise, it might have been difficult to recognize that about myself.
The movies themselves are also poorly written. They are mediocre, to put it mildly. Mediocre in every facet I mentioned above that makes Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind great. No interesting cinematography. Shallow, one-dimensional characters. An overly simplistic screenplay that often meanders off course. The script/dialog is cliche and boring. Some of the scenes are downright stupid. And at least in Garden State, the girl wasn’t interesting or charming at all. She was wooden and annoying. The actress laid it on thick making her character annoyingly apologize for being weird over and over. She didn’t seem human, vulnerable, or have any depth that comes with normal human insecurities. It was wooden, shallow, mocking, and annoying. There was also underlying racism towards Africans and Asians!
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And it still works to have Joel as depressed, detached, and quiet, and have Clementine as charming and charismatic - that big presence with unique eccentricities that make her lovable. As I already covered above, the temperament is complex and rich in these dichotomies. We can be both quiet and reserved, and even repressed if certain traumas take place in childhood, and we also are fun, free-spirited, and charismatic when we feel comfortable. The creators of these insulting tropes know this and they simply find ways to distort it to insult us and accuse us of all kinds of false things!
Third, the score and soundtrack are just as deeply moving, beautiful, and genius as everything else that makes up this film. It fits perfectly with the themes and aesthetics… creating that profoundly emotional experience. Mind-blowing, at least for me anyway.
This is my absolute, number one favorite movie. Many movies invoke an emotional and psychological reaction in me and I find them reasonably interesting. However, they don’t compel me enough to want to watch again, much less several times. Most films are entertaining but are just simply that. Entertainment. Some are decent quality entertainment. Many others are nothing more than nonsense.
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Third, there’s a scene where she’s racing to Joel’s car as he’s been waiting for her to get ready. As she enters the car she exclaims, “Vaminos Señora!” Very irritating. It should be, “Vamos Señorita”. But the world thinks Americans are too stupid to know these things or be capable of getting them right. Seriously?? Do people honestly believe that there’s some sort of American gene that makes the entire population especially challenged with our intelligence quotient? And while our education system might not be as advanced as other countries, it’s not nearly as bad as I’ve seen it be made out to be online! We’re not that fucking stupid. Just stop.
Sixth, the acting is exceptional. Both Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet are playing characters that directly oppose characters they normally play. They both capture their essence beautifully. The script was also written to make room for improvisation - adding a layer of authenticity and creativity by the actors. They also got the opportunity to add a little of themselves. Jim Carrey shared in an interview that the scene of Joel as a boy with the bullies pushing him to hammer the bird is from his childhood.
It’s all the same bullshit I see in horrendous Enneagram four descriptions that are completely false and harmful. I’ve written about this in other posts, but that’s another topic.
Fourth, for those who haven’t seen, they end up erasing memories of each other to run from the painful memories of their failed relationship, as it eventually goes sour. The movie has a science fiction element, as one of the characters is a scientist who has invented a way to erase specific memories. He runs a clinic to rid people of the painful memories they wish to forget.
Clementine unwittingly plays her tape in front of Joel because she doesn’t know what it is. In the tape, we hear her list all her reasons why she was unhappy. She takes on that same sultry, throaty tone. She sounds like a floozy with an attitude problem who was too emotionally immature to make the relationship work. She states that she erased Joel simply because he’s “boring” and then questions out loud if that’s even a good enough reason to erase someone. No, it wouldn’t be, but that’s not what happened!
This clearly illustrates she doesn’t normally extend invitations. She feels it’s quite risky. I believe she is so bold on initiating a relationship with him because she can sense they are alike and doesn’t want to miss out on such an opportunity! This personality type is rare. We seldom meet people we have anything in common with. It’s very lonely and isolating to be surrounded by people who don’t relate to you, nor you to them. There is a kindred spirit connection driving her to Joel. She just knows right off the bat they’re cut from the same cloth - making her feel safe enough to give it a shot. So she’s not quite the extroverted life of the party one might think. She’s quite vulnerable.
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While Joel consistently appears very quiet and reserved, there are moments he lightens up with Clementine, especially early in the relationship. He is drawn to her because she embodies his natural charisma that’s been repressed. We are often drawn to people we have a lot in common with. She helps bring this out in him and he needs it.
There are several other things but there’s no need to list them all.
Before I continue, I want to make it very clear that I don’t mean to be too negative and harsh towards Kate and other British people. I don’t have any hard feelings and I know that many people believe these things because it’s what they’ve always known from the people around them who reinforce it. I’m sure she didn’t truly mean harm so I’m not saying that. I’m just saying that nonetheless, it’s still very hurtful and insulting whether a person realizes it or not. But I am a forgiving and understanding person. I don’t feel cold towards anyone.
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Second, the cinematography is stunning. The lighting in and of itself is highly mood-enhancing, and the effects used to create the dream-like state are genius. The director prioritized using creative, thought-out ways of making special effects without any use of CGI. This frustrated some people but they stuck by their methods and I’m so glad they did. It looks and feels much more ethereal and original than any computer could create. Not to mention, the different ways the dream-like state was conveyed are brilliant. They leave one feeling like they really are in the middle of someone’s dream. As a visual artist myself (painter) I have an especially strong appreciation for this.
Fifth, there are so many uncanny things throughout the movie that remind me of my childhood.
For example, Clementine has a long, mauve-colored coat that closely resembles a coat I had as a child. I think it was a different color but was the same style. I hated that coat - I was only around nine or ten and the length seemed like something an adult would wear. I felt weird wearing a coat that didn’t seem very child-appropriate but my mother made me wear it. She also wears bright red jeans that are very much like a pair I had around this age. I hated them too, but my mother made me wear them.
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Anyway… Joel and Clementine are both fascinating, complex characters whom I identify with like no other character because they have my fundamental personality/psyche and idiosyncrasies. I’m not used to seeing these things represented like this. It’s honestly floored me. They are characters with the classic creative/artist temperament and are both very artistic. I think the writer did such an excellent job writing these characters since they are an artist themselves… and why I’m so deeply affected by them as I am of the same temperament.
The reason I’ve struggled so much with feeling I can’t be this way is due to social conditioning, from both family, friends, and society in general. At least in American culture, girls and women are not supposed to be expressive, charismatic, unique, fun-loving, or free-spirited. We’re also not supposed to crack jokes, at least not much. Especially if it’s more on the witty, dark, or edgy side. Men are supposed to be the funny ones. I’m not saying we don’t joke at all - we do but it’s moderated. We are expected to be docile, “sugar, spice, and everything nice”, maternal, and ultra-feminine in the traditional sense which doesn’t necessarily line up with the true essence of what feminine energy really is.
I can’t imagine the director, or someone, not pointing out how off-base these things are. I’m sure they tried to do another take but she must’ve dug in her heels. I can’t think of any other reason why they would make the final cut.
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With Clementine, she may appear consistently gregarious and forward but there’s a lot of complexity going on underneath the surface. We see that in social gatherings she stands off by herself and doesn’t know what to do to socialize and connect with people. We are given the distinct impression she’s an outsider with few, if any friends, and goes up to Montauk alone regularly.
There’s a scene where Clementine asks Joel if she’s ugly, then opens up about her difficult childhood and how she thought she was ugly. I suffer from severe body dysmorphia and to see a poignant character suffer from it too is so deeply touching and cathartic. I can never watch this scene without crying.
First, there’s a scene early in the movie where Clementine invites Joel to her apartment. While they’re talking, there’s one point where she takes on an incredibly sultry and undisciplined voice and mannerisms. She sounds like a drunk floozy and it’s very offensive… because I now know that the British (Kate is English) seem to think that all American women are floozies, constantly going around seducing men and being overly masculine with them. This is blatantly false and is very insulting to us! It also blemishes a beautiful movie with a special character that means a lot to me. Not to mention, every actor has the responsibility to portray their character accurately!
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An important thing to note is that this temperament/personality, despite any natural charisma and spontaneous ways, is still introverted, given to being quiet, introspective, and observant at times as well. Joel isn’t completely out of his essence but he’s still way too repressed, uninspired, depressed, and cautious. People are complex, and we all, regardless of what temperament we have, still have plenty of dichotomies that make up who we are.
This is precisely what I see online, especially here on Quora. These absurd myths are discussed here a lot, and I’ve seen many Americans try to explain our culture and why we do certain things to set the record straight or explain when something is false. I’ve seen many British, and other Europeans, not even consider what any American says and dig in their heels, no matter how well the American explains things, or how good their point is. Or simply how true it is. They are right, all the time, and know more about Americans than they know about themselves because they’re all in denial about how awful they are, or are too stupid to have any self-awareness. They will only listen to their echo chambers coming from their own countrymen. They clearly think Americans are utterly incapable of being right about anything or having any good qualities whatsoever.
Clementine’s name is also interesting, along with the Huckleberry Hound reference, because I used to watch it and my mother would sing “Oh my Darling Clementine” to me.
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When he first meets her, he loves the bright colors she wears and the way she dyes her hair. Though cautious at first, he soon lightens up about walking out on the frozen lake and has a great time. There are some other brief scenes of them both acting goofy and joking around.
Anyway, right after they erase each other they end up meeting again. They start dating - unaware that they know each other. A disgruntled employee sends everybody’s files back to them and they receive theirs. Each file has a tape of the person documenting why they are erasing the memories.
First, it was created by true artists, not typical Hollywood execs just looking to do something safe, predictable, and shallow to make plenty of money. The movie is incredibly well-written, with a complex storyline full of complex characters, deep emotions, profound truths, and philosophical questions. It is interesting to watch and has a measure of entertainment, but also causes one to think deeply about life, love relationships, and existentialism. It is multi-layered and touches on many different issues. One could find something new to ponder with each watch. I recommend doing so, as it’s easy to miss certain things with just one or even two to three viewings. It’s that deep and complex.
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Anyway… I’ll now go over the seventh and final reason why this is my favorite movie. The film beautifully depicts the temperaments of the characters, in their true essence, while simultaneously addressing and dismantling the cliche stock character/trope of this personality seen time and again in many movies - going back decades. When this movie came out a specific term hadn’t been coined yet. However, a few years later a film critic named it the “Manic Pixie Dream Girl” in reference to the female lead. The term stuck so strongly that it became a phenomenon.
Before I get started, there are a few spoilers here, so please be aware if you haven’t seen the film.
I still love this movie and am very moved by it. It’s still a beautiful work of art. I still get so many wonderful things out of it. But this does taint it for me a little, and causes me pain, especially since the movie is so important and personal to me.
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Oh, where to start?! The whole point of these movies is to make a mockery of those of us with the artist’s temperament. For those who are familiar with the Enneagram - the four. It’s obvious these writers are not fours. They execute their mockery of the four by magnifying the myths within the male character that we are pathetic sad-sacks who are mopey and depressed all the time and need to suck it up and get over ourselves That we are lazy and unmotivated and don’t do anything to contribute to society. In the female character, they magnify the myths that we’re bizarre eccentrics who are overly dramatic, attention-seeking, overly indulgent, sexually promiscuous, bi-sexual (in certain movies, like 500 Days of Summer), pathological liars (the female has a compulsive lying disorder in Garden State), go way out of our way to be extra unique because we’re desperate to be special, and so on. 500 Days of Summer had the audacity to paint the female as downright cold and evil like a calculated psychopath. It didn’t help that the actress had soulless eyes herself…
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is a stunning work of art - a masterpiece. It has moved me on a deep, profound level that can’t be explained…. it has been life-changing. The reason I feel this way is multi-faceted.
Original question: What's your take on Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? How has it affected you?
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Joel is my brother’s name and it’s so funny how she calls Joel “Joely” because I used to call my brother that.
I hadn’t heard of this until I discovered this film and was reading various articles and watching documentaries and video analyses about it. I wasn’t familiar with the trope because I hadn’t seen any movies with these characters before. Romantic comedies are a genre I can do without and I don’t watch them much - only when I’m with someone who wants to watch one. I didn’t understand why Clementine kept being compared to a “Manic Pixie Dream Girl” and what she was doing to turn it on its head. To me, it was simply a brilliant film that made me feel seen and represented. (Although I was still aware of how it confronts certain myths about us that I had observed within the Enneagram personality system.)
This is where it gets so profound and helpful for me. I am both of these characters rolled into one. Deep down inside, I am Clementine… this is my natural essence, but various things happened in my childhood that have caused me to repress these traits. As a child, I can look back and see Clementine in myself, very much. But as I got older, shyness, self-rejection, and extreme social anxiety caused me to turn into Joel. When I first started watching this I was floored by Clementine and was struck with a profound sadness at how much I’ve lost touch with myself. For most of my life I’ve behaved just like Joel… with all of the charisma, uniqueness, humor, and free-spiritedness buried deep inside because I was too terrified to express it. I’ve been using this movie as a self-help tool to let go of these fears and relearn to be my true self.
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When I see Clementine I see how attractive and charming her charisma and free-spiritedness are. I’ve spent my whole life feeling like a bumbling, annoying fool whenever I act like this…. which is why it rarely comes out. This helps tremendously in realizing I’ve been wrong all this time and there’s no need to suppress it.
With a closer look, even when she’s very outgoing with Joel as they first meet, there is underlying self-consciousness, especially when Joel isn’t very responsive. There is nervous chatter, and when he seems to be a bit baffled, she gets defensive. Confident people who are naturally very extroverted and make friends easily aren’t phased by this. When she tries to invite him to her apartment and he hesitates, she is quick to apologize and feels stupid.
And I know for certain I’m not reading into this. I’ve also watched interviews of Kate Winslet discussing this movie. She describes Clementine negatively, saying she’s a “cow, a bitch”, “neurotic”, “insane”, and describes her as always yelling at Joel and being antagonistic and attributes this to the relationship failing. She describes her clothing style as “tacky, cheap, and awful.” It’s actually cute, unique, and creative! Clementine is not some cheap floozy! She lacks respect for the character because she’s American, and also because she’s unique and unconventional.
I am incredibly grateful and encouraged that there are true artists out there making films like this. What’s more, this film is loved by many and it helps me feel that there’s still good in the world to see so many people have appreciation for this.
I agree with him that there is certainly an element of sexism at play here. To reduce a female lead character to a concept with no depth; to simply exist to serve the male protagonistic certainly fits the bill. People often point to Clementine as a way of calling this issue out when she says to Joel, “I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to 'make them alive'…but I'm just a fucked up girl who's looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours.” A very refreshing line!
On the surface, Joel and Clementine appear to be complete opposites with nothing in common. Clementine appears to be a very extroverted, gregarious, fun-loving free spirit, and Joel appears to be a very introverted, insecure, serious, and rigid person. The truth is they aren’t opposites - they are two sides to the same coin. This is why they’re so drawn to each other. Clementine is just less repressed than Joel is. She isn’t less insecure, or necessarily less traumatized, but she has an easier time expressing herself.
In truth, Clementine broke up with him because his attitude changed towards her and became very negative and hurtful. He began nit-picking her and believing false things about her. It’s shown that one of his friends didn’t like Clementine and manipulated him against her. The last straw was when he accused her of “fucking people to get them to like her” and doing it while in a relationship with him. None of this is mentioned on the tape. Just that Joel is boring and makes her pissy and she no longer likes herself. Then she emasculates Joel by saying he acts wimpy and pathetic and makes puppy dog faces to act like a victim. In that same obnoxious floozy voice that most American women do. Not. Have. A huge disservice to the character and the movie! It’s like she wanted Clementine to sound as bitchy, immature, slutty, emasculating, and impossible as much as she possibly could. Ooohh the insults! The audacity!
I now understand why Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is compared to these movies and is attributed with being anti-MPDG. It is. I see that this was the writer’s intention - to depict us as we truly are while addressing these issues. He did an excellent job.
There have been rare times, throughout my childhood and into my young adulthood, when a select few people had a vibe of acceptance that made me feel safe. I would suddenly find myself acting this way. I’d think to myself, “Where’s this coming from? Who am I? I guess this really is me after all? Maybe it is me and this person makes me feel I can be this way without consequences.” I haven’t felt this way in years though. When I first watched this movie… suddenly I was taken back to my childhood and it was quite a shock to see how buried deep I am.
The film critic, as he dubbed this term, called out the trope as being sexist. He stated that these writers were sensitive men and that these women were just a figment of their fantasies. He said the MPDG “exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures.”
However, I have a few frustrations with some of Kate’s improvisations. They were from a place of unfair bias that incorrectly conveys Clementine. When I first discovered this movie about seven years ago, I didn’t know what it was. I knew it was off-base for the character…. but now that I’ve been studying other cultures and learning about their perceptions of Americans I know what’s going on. It’s so demoralizing, hurtful, and infuriating!
I know I’m drifting of topic, but I am just so fed up with it. I used to have a positive view of British people. Now I can’t stand them. They strike me as some of the most snobby people on Earth. I know there are good exceptions, but as a whole I’m not fond of them at all.
Fourth, and personally for me the most significant, are the characters themselves and what they go through. These characters, Joel and Clementine, have helped me get in touch with aspects of myself that have been deeply repressed… and to this film, I am eternally grateful for how it has affected me. That is the beautiful thing about art - it is so very healing. It helps us connect with ourselves and uncover those traumas and places within ourselves hiding in the shadows that need a bit of love and attention. An artist never knows just how much they may make a difference in someone’s life with the art they create.
There’s a scene where one of Joel’s friends is building a birdhouse and it reminds me of when my father built one. I loved the birdhouse and watching the birds that it attracted.